Long Way Home
by Harryfan626
Summary: A call from a social worker changes the direction of the lives of every member of the Grey-Shepherd family when Zola's biological mother, Ife Limbani, wants to meet her daughter. Sometimes, no matter how much somebody wants to stay, people are taken away...
1. Before

**Disclaimer: Any recognizable plot, characters, or storylines are not mine. Copyright infringement is not intended. Story title from** _ **Jukebox the Ghost**_ **song of the same name.**

 **A/N: Ever since 11x21 and all the heartbreak that accompanied it, I can't stop myself from thinking about everything Derek Shepherd is going to miss in his children's lives and that really sucks y'know? Cause that man wanted a family so badly and he loved his children so desperately. So thinking about that, wanting to write a story about Derek alive and with his kids, kind of led to this story. It doesn't exactly follow my original idea of a fluffy story of Derek and the kids (in fact it isn't very fluffy at all once you get to the heart of it) but it is a story where Derek is alive and he gets to see his kids grow up. It's an idea that wouldn't leave me alone, so before continuing my other fics I had to write it.**

 **Before you start reading this fanfiction, I'd like to make it clear that I know very little (nothing) about the adoption process vs. foster homes, so any information in this fanfic should be taken with more than just a grain of salt.**

* * *

 _No one's gone in vain  
_ _Here is where you'll stay  
_ _'Cause life has been insane but  
_ _Today has been okay  
_ Today Has Been Okay - **Emilíana Torrini**

* * *

 _four months before the change_

* * *

Crawling into bed, Meredith sighed and pillowed her head against her husband's chest. In response, he lifted his arm and wrapped it tightly around her shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze as they both settled down for the night.

"Kids asleep?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded and mumbled through a yawn, "Zola just fell asleep, she'd been working on her pre-algebra homework up until the moment I came in to tuck her in." Rolling to her side, so she could look her husband in the eye, Meredith asked, "You know, what even is the point of pre-algebra? What does it accomplish? Can't you just learn it all when you actually take algebra."

Whenever their daughter spoke about her sixth grade math requirement Meredith would always go on a rant about the uselessness of pre-algebra. Reaching over to turn off his bedside light, Derek placated Meredith with a yes-dear before turning to spoon her close to him. They both shifted a little to get comfortable and Derek shut his eyes, ready for sleep. His breathing was just evening out when Meredith broke the night time silence and said, "You remember before Ellis was born, you had just decided to come home from D.C. and we were up most of the night just talking? And you said you wanted more?"

Unwrapping himself from Meredith, Derek sits up a little and uses his lower arms to prop up his body, "Yeah, of course. Where is this coming from?"

Rolling over to face Derek, Meredith looks him straight in the eyes and smiles, "I want more, Der."

"Another baby?" He asks, not believing the words coming out of his mouth. Derek Shepherd loved his family with all his heart and his entire life he'd wanted a large family, but with their youngest already in Kindergarten, he had just assumed that their family was done growing. He was happy with the size of his family, he loved it in fact, but adding to it, and it being his wife's idea to add to it, was a dream come true. A wide smile broke across his face and Derek couldn't help but laugh a little, thrilled, "Are you serious?"

Laughing with him, Meredith nodded. He leaned into kiss her passionately, always happy to have sex with his wife whether it's for baby making or not, when she stopped him. "But," Meredith said, "I think we should adopt again. Both pregnancies were hard and the births dangerous and I don't want to risk missing any of this," She made sweeping gestures with her arms meaning she didn't want to miss her life with her children and him, "And I think we should adopt from Malawi. I think Zola should have a sibling that she can look at and see herself in, just like Bailey and Ellis have each other."

Still grinning madly, Derek shifted so that his body nearly blankets Meredith's, "We're going to have another baby," He stated, a thrilled laugh in his voice.

Nodding against her pillow, Meredith agreed, "We are going to have another baby."

Without hesitating, Derek captures Meredith's lips with his own. They kiss passionately until they need to break away for air, "But we're not making a baby now," Meredith reminded her husband.

"No," He confirmed as he lowered his head to resume kissing, "I'll call the agency in the morning and let them know to start looking." In response, Meredith flung her arms around Derek's torso and pulled him down, flush against her to resume their kissing.

* * *

 _one month before the change_

* * *

On the weekends, when the three Grey-Shepherd children were in daycare instead of school, the family would always have lunch together, whether it was in the hospital or at their dream home. Derek was on his way to the cafeteria, to meet his wife and kids who were already there, when his cell phone rang. Without checking the caller ID, he answered with his usual and direct, "Dr. Derek Shepherd."

"Hi, Dr. Shepherd," A female voice on the other end said, "It's Janet Meyers, Zola's social worker, I'm not sure if you remember me."

Stopping dead in his tracks, Derek has to stop himself from getting mad at the woman on the other end. It had been five years since the last time either he or Meredith had seen the social worker when, at the state check-in for Zola, it was determined that they were fit to care and state involvement was no longer needed. Despite the fact that she had been their daughter for four years before that point, it wasn't until then that she was uninhibitedly theirs, from that point on nobody questioned whether they had the right or the ability to be Zola's parents. But the fact that Janet could even think Derek would forget her made his blood boil. It wasn't the woman's fault, she had just been doing her job, but there was no possible way he could ever forget the woman who took his daughter away.

"Of course, Janet, hi" Derek replied, with mock joy in his voice, "Is there something I could do for you? Is this about the new adoption?" The adoption agency that Derek and Meredith were going through had warned them that the process could take a long time. Not only did they need to find an orphaned child, there was a large amount of processing to go through before an adoption work could actually begin. The Grey-Shepherds were warned that it could be months before they were even given the names of possible children.

On the other end of the line, Janet said, "You're adopting again? That's great, you and your wife are fine parents from the last I saw of Zola," But when she continued speaking, her voice lost the casual friendliness it had up until that point and grew a more serious tone, "No, actually, this call is about Zola. Recently, we received contact from her birth mother in Malawi. She'd like to meet Zola."

"I'm sorry, what?" Derek asks, the social worker's words shocking him.

* * *

The three-year age gap for the Grey-Shepherd children translated into a thirty-minute gap between bedtimes. Five-year-old Ellis would be tucked in at 8:30, at 9:00 Derek and Meredith would wrestle an overly energetic eight-year-old Bailey into bed, and Zola, with the privilege of being the oldest, would stay awake until 9:30. Two days after Janet's call, two days filled with a lot of discussion and debate and worry between Meredith and Derek, the parents sat their daughter down after both her siblings were asleep to tell her about her birth mother.

"Am I in trouble?" Zola asked as she sat down on the couch between her parents.

Reaching up a hand to comfortingly stroke her daughter's hair, Meredith assured her, "Of course not sweetie, you're not in trouble. We just have something important we need to talk about."

Nodding, Zola settled down between her parents. Derek protectively wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to lean against him. Instinctively, Zola snuggled up against her father like she has her entire life. Meredith nervously took one of Zola's smaller hands into her own and listened intently as Derek explained to Zola. He told her about Janet and about the call he received. Zola seemed to be in shock and didn't say anything as her father told her that her biological mother wanted to meet her.

"No matter what you decide," Derek finished, "Whether you want to meet your biological mother or not, we will always be your parents, and we will always love you more than anything."

It's unusual for Zola to be quiet, ever since they first met her she has always been full of energy and communicative. When Derek and Meredith first started talking about having kids, Meredith complained about how chatty Derek's children would be and even though Zola wasn't biologically theirs, she seemed to have inherited his talkativeness. Her clutch on Meredith's hand tightened as Zola asked, "What's her name?"

"Ife Limbani," Meredith replied, her voice cracking a little. She would never admit it, especially not to Zola, but Meredith was terrified that if her daughter met her birth mother, she would lose her.

With certainty in her voice, Zola decided, "I want to meet her. I want to meet Ife. But I want you there with me, Mom," She glanced at Derek, "And you too, Dad. You're my parents. I need you there. But I want to meet her."

Meredith barely held back a sob as she dove down to her daughter and pulled her into a tight embrace. Tears threaten to fall from her eyes, she had pictured Zola never calling her mom again but instead she insisted that she be at her side. Pressing a kiss to her daughter's cheek, Meredith whispered how much she loved her. Wrapping her arms around her mother, Zola repeated the sentiments. Derek finished the embrace, enveloping his wife and daughter in a tight hug, sending his love to both of them.

* * *

 _two days before the change_

* * *

Zola stood between her parents, one hand in each other theirs. She was dressed nicely, in her favorite red and black plaid dress with formal shoes on her feet. The day had come for Zola to finally meet her birth mother and she was terrified. Part of Zola was worried that her birth mother wouldn't like her but another part was worried that she would like her too much and want to take her away from her parents. Standing outside, the large oak doors of the court house room where the meeting with her biological mother was taking place, Zola was quaking. Nervously, she looked up towards her mother who smiled down at her.

Giving her daughter's hand a reassuring squeeze, Meredith promised, "It's going to be okay, ZoZo. Dad and I are right here."

Silently, Zola nods and her eyes shift back to the doors. Glancing between her parents, Zola wondered if they were worried too. Her father was tapping his foot a little, a habit he had as a nervous tick. She found it surprisingly comforting that they seemed out of their element as well. Usually, kids like it when their parents are confident but diving into such an unknown, Zola found herself relieved that her parents were just as anxious as herself. The wait for the doors to open feels like a lifetime when in fact it was just under three minutes. Janet is the first person they see, as she's the one who opens the doors and she stands directly in the space between them.

Janet has a kind smile as she said to the three nervous people, "Ms. Limbani has been waiting for you."

Zola tightened her grip on the hands of both her parents and pleaded, "Don't leave me." They both gave her a comforting squeeze back as they entire the room. It was a moderate sized room, with a large round wooden table in the center. Directly across from them sat a dark skinned woman, her hair in long plaits down her back, and an ecstatic smile across her face. Beside the woman sat a man in a suit, Janet explained that he's a lawyer, just there because of state regulation. As soon as Zola, Derek, and Meredith are all the way in the room, Ife stood from her chair and hurries across the room. She dropped to her knees in front of Zola and pulls the confused girl into her arms, inadvertently pulling Zola's hands away from her parents. The embrace is tight and desperate, but Zola doesn't reciprocate it. Ife is clutching at her desperately and mumbling about how much she had longed to see her. Eventually, Ife unclasped Zola and reaches up to cup the eleven year-old's cheeks. Zola flinched away from the woman's touch, uncomfortable with someone she didn't know treating her so intimately. The entire time Ife holds Zola, Meredith and Derek protectively stand behind their daughter, there for her if she needs them.

Noticing Zola's discomfort, Janet suggests that they all return to their seat so they can talk and get to know each other. Coming to sit down, Ife offers the seat next to her to Zola but instead the girl sit on the opposite side of the table, with her adoptive parents on either side of her. Ife begins bombarding Zola with questions that the young girl doesn't feel like answering. While the woman in front of her thinks of her as a daughter, to Zola, Ife is just a stranger. Meredith and Derek take it upon themselves to answer Ife's questions. The meeting with Ife lasted roughly an hour and during it Zola, usually a social butterfly, barely said two sentences. They decided to end the meeting when Zola tugged on Derek's sleeve and pulled him down to her, she whispered in his ear, begging him to take her home.

As the Grey-Shepherd's prepared to leave, Meredith extended a hand to Ife. The woman graciously shook her hand and said, "Thank you so much for taking such good care of Zola after all these years. It means so much to me that she is so happy and healthy. When she is back home with me I am sure we will keep in contact." Meredith immediately recoiled at the woman's words, acting as if she had been burnt. The surgeon instinctively stepped between Ife and Zola, guarding her daughter. Hearing her biological mother's words, Zola stepped back against her father, sheltering herself in his protective embrace.

"What do you mean by that," Meredith asked Ife, "What do you mean by "when she is back home"? Zola's coming home with us, her parents."

"Her foster parents," Ife replied, as if it is the simplest thing on the planet.

"No," Derek said, tightening his protective grip on Zola's shoulders, "Her parents."

Stepping between the arguing parents, Janet lifted her hands to placate them, "I'm sure there has just been some sort of misunderstanding," Janet reassured both parties, "And if you could all take a moment to calm down, I'll begin sorting this out."

* * *

 _the day of the change_

* * *

Meredith and Derek returned to the courthouse, this time with all three of their children. Janet had called them the day before, apologizing for the misunderstanding with Ife and promising the couple that it would all be sorted out in the courthouse. However, leaving the second time, Meredith and Derek were more upset when they left the first time. While they came to the courthouse with three children, the only left with two of them.

Due to Zola's orphanage paperwork not being with her when the adoption process started over ten years ago, some forms seemed to have been left out in the shuffle and transfers. While Meredith and Derek had been guaranteed by the orphanage that Zola had been available for adoption, paperwork that had been lost while taking her to Seattle had her listed under fostering and not adoption. In the United States, Zola was a candidate for adoption due to the lost paperwork, but in Malawi, fostering had been her only option. When Ife put her daughter in the orphanage, the plan was to return once she was on her feet and take her daughter home with her.

To Ife, meeting Zola was the first step to bringing her daughter home. To Meredith and Derek, introducing their daughter to her birth mother was a way to connect her to a life she never lived. They didn't expect to lose their daughter by doing so.

Everything seemed to happen so quickly for the family. One day they're meeting their daughter's birth mother and two days later their daughter was being taken to a different continent. In the meeting at the courthouse the second day, a judge ruled that due to the original Malawian paperwork, Zola had to return to Malawi. However, the judge also said that in six months the case would be reviewed and if at that time, an argument could be made in favor of the Grey-Shepherd family, Zola could return to Seattle. After the judge made her call, the family only had a few moments left of all five of them together.

"Can we say goodbye?" Meredith choked out, looking toward Janet. The social worker nodded and told the family they had five minutes. Janet watched as Zola's parents clung tightly to the young girl. She couldn't help but remember the last time she took Zola away from her parents. The girl wasn't even one at the time, she didn't know what she was leaving behind. Now Zola was not just leaving her country, she was leaving her parents, her siblings, everything she knew and loved. Last time Janet took Zola away it was because she was not confident in Meredith and Derek's ability to be her parents. Now, looking at the little girl sob into her mother's shoulder, there was no question in their ability to raise her.

Meredith couldn't remember a time she had held her daughter so tightly. Maybe the first time Zola was taken away or maybe when she came to the door and expecting pizza and instead finding her baby, but probably not. Zola was sobbing into her mother's shoulder, begging not to be taken away. Derek's arms were wrapped tightly around the two of them, pulling mother and daughter tight to his chest. It was a mirror of their reunion ten years prior, when Zola officially became theirs. Now she was being taken away.

Gasping through her tears, Meredith lifted a hand and caressed Zola's cheek, wiping away stray tears, "ZoZo, baby, I love you so _so_ much. And you're going to come home, I promise. Because no matter where you go," Meredith sobbed as she continued saying goodbye, "Or who you're with, I will always be your mother." Zola clung tightly to her mother, never wanting to leave.

When Meredith could no longer speak, too lost in her body wracking sobs and deteriorated to the point of just repeating I-love-yous, Derek started talking to Zola. He pressed a long and hard kiss to his daughter's cheek as he told her, "You don't remember this but when you were little, you were taken away from us. Just like this. And even then we loved you so much and we fought so hard to get you back. And I promise you, Zo, we're going to do it again," He pulled his daughter tighter against him, inadvertently doing the same to his wife as she was unable to let go of her daughter, "We are going to fight so hard for you. You're going to be back before you know it because we are not going to give up. We will get you home, do you understand. We love you so much, Zola. We both love you so much."

Derek had just finished talking when Janet came over to them, "It's time," She informed them softly. At her words, Zola started wailing, not wanting to leave her parents. Janet had to physically tear her from the arms of Meredith and Derek as the eleven-year-old fought desperately to remain in their protective hold. Even as Janet carried the hysterical child over to Ife, Zola continued to fight in her arms, trying to get back to the parents who loved her and raised her. It was a challenge to place Zola in Ife's arms, but once the girl was there, her birth mother cooed to her, trying to calm her down. Zola kept fighting and wailing. The last glimpse of her Meredith and Derek and was her struggling against her birth mother as they walked out of the room, calling desperately for Meredith and Derek, screaming how much she loved them. Once Zola was out of sight and her cries softened by distance, Meredith collapsed to the ground, holding tightly to her husband and sobbing. If she thought losing Zola the first time was hard, she had no idea what this was now. If Meredith had to compare the sensation to anything it was as if she had all her limbs amputated and her heart removed. She felt empty and broken, knowing her daughter was being taken away. Usually one to try to hide his emotions, Derek couldn't help but shatter with his wife. They had just lost their daughter and despite their promises, they had no way of knowing if she was ever coming home.

* * *

 **A/N: I think that is the most angst I've ever written and chapter two only gets worse… I'd like to remind you all that I have** _ **NO KNOWLEDGE ON HOW ADOPTION WORKS**_ **. I'm just 18, this was just an idea that popped into my head and I ran with it. If you liked the fic so far, please review. As of me posting this chapter the other two are finished and will be posted throughout the week. It is the dreaded** _ **finals week**_ **for me, starting Monday, so the other two chapters will be posted throughout the week. Other than this fic, nothing new will be posted from me until Summer Break starts, but while I procrastinate I will continue to write. On a final note, Chag Sameach and Happy Passover to those, like me, who celebrate!**


	2. During

**Disclaimer: Any recognizable plot, characters, or storylines are not mine. Copyright infringement is not intended.**

 **A/N: I use fanfiction and photoshop to procrastinate from finals but I'm sure you guys appreciate that.**

* * *

 _Well in this life you must find something to live for  
_ _Cause when the darkness comes a callin'  
_ _You'll go back to where you were before  
_ _Cause this life is as  
_ _Fragile as a dream, and  
_ _Nothing's ever really  
_ _As it seems  
_ As It Seems - **Lily Kershaw**

* * *

 _two weeks into the separation_

* * *

Ever since Zola was taken away, the Grey-Shepherd family seemed to be moving in slow motion. Even the kids were in a daze. Little Ellis barely understood what was happening, being only five, and was constantly crying, terrified both that she would never see her sister again and that she would be taken away next. Meredith and Derek had both taken an indefinite leave of absence of work. All their time was dedicated to building a court case strong enough to bring their daughter home or caring for their other two heartbroken children. Over the course of just two weeks the household had gone through dozens of boxes of tissues and the count didn't seem to be slowing down. Every night, Meredith would cry herself to sleep in her husband's arms, he himself sobbing softly against her as well. The entire family was shattered at the loss of Zola.

For the first time since Zola was taken away, Derek had left the house. Part of building up their case was getting as many witnesses to attest to not only their ability to raise Zola, but their immense love for her. His first stop was the hospital daycare, his hope was to get a letter from every employee and volunteer there in support of Derek and Meredith keeping Zola. Leaving his family alone at home was painful. Having just lost his older daughter, even if it would hopefully be just for six months, Derek didn't want to leave the side of his two younger children or his wife. But if there was any chance of getting Zola home, they had to start collected character witnesses and testimonies. He was halfway across the bridge, walking toward the daycare, when his phone rang. Checking the caller ID, Derek's heart seemed to stop. Just over a month earlier he was in the same spot, getting a call from the same person. It was that call that led to Zola being on another continent and no longer at home with her family, where she belonged.

Derek's voice cracked from emotion, he felt a tightening in his chest as he answered, "Janet, hi."

"Oh, thank god, Derek you answered. I just got off the phone with Ife, it's been nearly two weeks and Zola hasn't stopped crying, not once. On top of that she's refusing to eat. She's," Janet paused before composing herself and steadying her voice, "Zola is currently in the hospital," Derek started to talk, but Janet stopped him and explained, "She's suffering dehydration and malnutrition. Ife actually called me, hoping that you could call and talk to Zola, to calm her down."

Derek felt like vomiting as he listened to Janet speak. His daughter was on another continent, in another time zone, with different people who she had never met before, virtually alone in a foreign hospital, "Do they know what's wrong? Is it her shunt? She hasn't had an issue with the spina bifida in years, she should be fine."

"It's not the spina bifida," Janet assured him, "The doctors ran tests and are positive that her shunt is properly working."

Gasping in relief, Derek found himself sliding to the floor of the bridge. After taking a moment to come to terms that no matter what is wrong with his daughter it isn't the shunt that he placed, he asked, "So then what is it? Why won't she stop crying? Is she sick? Is something wrong."

"She misses you," Janet replied, softly.

At her words Derek let out a dry sob and buried his face in his hands. As difficult is this is for him and Meredith, he can't imagine what his daughter is going through. He's her father and it is his job to protect her, but there is absolutely nothing that he can do, "Why are you telling me this," Derek asked as tears start to silently fall.

"Ife wants you to call, to talk to Zola, to calm her down," Janet explained.

Another sob escaped Derek's lips when he realized, after two weeks of no contact, he'd be able to talk to his daughter. Choking on his tears, Derek answered Janet, "Of course, oh god, of course. When? I'm not home Meredith- Meredith should be on the call too."

"She can't be," Janet cut Derek off, "Ife doesn't want Zola talking to Meredith. I think she's worried about Zola having another mother. She'll only talk to you."

"Okay, okay," Derek whispered, trying to process everything, "What time? When? I'm not home right now and I need to be home for this and, oh god how am I going to explain this to Meredith?"

"Tomorrow," Janet said as she finished the call, "And I'm sure Meredith will understand. Ife will place a call to you tomorrow."

"Thank you," Derek cried as he sat on the ground shaking. Everything was terrible, his daughter was in a strange hospital virtually alone, his wife wasn't going to be able to talk to her, but at least they'd have contact. At least he'd be able to let Zola know how much they love her and how hard they were fighting for her.

* * *

The ringing of the home phone made Meredith and Derek's hearts leap into their throats. At the sound of the first ring, Derek answered not hesitating a moment. They were the only two in the house. Meredith's sister, Maggie, had taken their younger children for a day of fun with their aunt to try to distract them from the situation. For the past thirty minutes the two parents had been sitting on their living room couch, Derek clutching the telephone as if it was a lifeline and Meredith cradling Zola's favorite stuffed animal, a giraffe that they had given her the first time she came home with Meredith. When Ife got custody of Zola, the little girl wanted her parents to keep the giraffe, even though she had never slept a night without it, because she wanted them to have a piece of her. Since their daughter left, Meredith almost always had the small, worn down stuffed animal with her. Despite the fact that Meredith was forbidden to speak on the call with their daughter, she wanted to be there and, at the very least, hear Zola's voice. Derek wanted her with him during the call as well, her presence gave him strength and he wasn't sure if he would be able to talk to his separated daughter without the love of his life at his side.

"Zola?" Derek gasped the question as soon as he picked up the phone, both terrified and hopeful to hear his daughter's voice.

"No," The person on the other end said, "This is Ife, I will put Zola on in a moment. I would like to make sure you understand the conditions of this call-"

Anxious to speak to his daughter, Derek cut Ife off, "Yes, yes, I know. Meredith can't speak. Please, just put Zola on."

Ignoring Derek's impatience, Ife continued, "This call is just to soothe Zola. You will not encourage her to leave. She is in my custody for at least another five months and you will not do anything to change that fact while talking to her or else I will use it against you in court." If the situation pertained to any other family, Derek would have been able to understand Ife's adamant stance toward how the adoptive parents spoke to her biological child, but because it was his life, his daughter, Derek just felt anger. Ife needed their help to calm down Zola yet she was still gunning to remain in custody of Zola after the six months. Bile rose to Meredith's throat at Ife's words, feeling sick at the thought of her daughter permanently being in the care of another.

"Okay," Derek conceded, the sooner he agreed to Ife's demands, the sooner he would be able to talk to his daughter, "Please, just put Zola on."

As they waited with baited breath, Meredith started crying. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks and her grip on the cherished giraffe tightened. Derek didn't think he was even breathing as he listened intently to the shuffling sounds coming through the phone. Any air he did have in him was knocked out of him when he heard, in a weak voice that sounded sore from tears, "Daddy?"

"Zo," Derek choked out, "Zo, I'm here, it's me. Hi, Zo, hi sweetie."

A pained sob escaped Zola as she started hysterically crying at the sound of her father's voice, "Daddy." She repeated his name again and again, missing him desperately.

"I'm right here, Zo," Derek said, hoping that the speaker on the phone couldn't pick up the sounds of his own crying. He didn't want Zola to know how much her parents were hurting without her, she was already struggling so much, he didn't want to add guilt to her mountain of emotions. As he told his daughter that he was there, Derek felt his heart constrict. All he wanted was to be there, to actually hold her and wipe away her tears himself. The first time he met his daughter she had been crying and all he had wanted was to comfort her, since the day they met he's been wiping away her tears and now when she needed and wanted his comfort the most they were on different continents. "I love you so much," Derek promised his daughter. He glanced at Meredith, she had closed her eyes and her body was heaving forcefully with every sob. Derek took one of his wife's hands into his and held it tightly, "We both love you. We miss you."

Zola was crying so hard at the sound of her father's voice that she couldn't speak. For five minutes the only sound on the call was Derek repeating how much he loved his daughter and her heart wrenching tears.

When Derek finally found his voice again, he spoke slowly, trying to maintain some semblance of composure and calm his daughter, "Zola, sweetie, you know how much Mommy and Daddy love you, right?" He paused, waiting for a confirmation for her which he got through a loud sniffle of uh-huh, "And we miss you very very much. Everyone here misses you."

He was going to continue speaking when Zola cut him off with a worried question, "Even Bay? Cause, cause when he's mad at me he once said he'd wanna send me back and now I'm gone."

Through the speaker Derek heard the tell-tale sound of Zola pre-hysterics and he reassured her, "Especially Bailey, he misses his big sister very much. And because we all miss you and love you _so_ much, you have to promise me that you'll take care of yourself. We got a call that you were in the hospital and Mommy and I have never been more terrified because we couldn't be there with you. I'm not going to lie, Zola, this is going to be hard and lonely and scary but it will pass and we will be together again. But you need to take care of yourself. You need to eat, Zo. Okay? Please. Because we love you so much and you need to be alright, even if you aren't with us so you need to eat," Taking a deep breath Derek continued, "I want you to promise me, right now, that you won't skip any more meals, no matter how sad you are."

A rustling on the other end clued Derek and Meredith into the fact that Zola was nodding as she promised, "Okay, Daddy," Both parents sighed in relief at their daughter's guarantee that she'll take care of herself. After a moment, Zola spoke again, "Daddy? When can I come home?"

The desperation and sadness in their daughter's voice was the most painful thing either parent had heard before. Derek was about to reply, to promise his daughter as soon as possible, when there were hushed but angry whispers on the other end. The speakers were too far from the phone receiver to have their words picked up, but their tone of voice carried across the ocean and into the living room of the dream house.

"No!" Zola cried on the other end, "Da-" Whatever she was going to say never made it to her parents' ears. Instead, her biological mother took the phone.

Ife said harshly before hanging up the phone, "Thank you for talking to her. It will all be good now. Goodbye, Dr. Shepherd." When she was done speaking, she hung up without warning. The only indication that a call took place was the phone, slipping out of Derek's hand and clattering to the floor, and the loud dial tone that filled the now silent room. It seemed as if both Meredith and Derek stopped breathing, their pain numbing them to all else after hearing Zola's voice so heartbroken and lonely. The tears on their cheeks slowly dried and neither of them moved or said anything until two hours later when Maggie brought their youngest two children back home.

* * *

 _two months into the separation_

* * *

For the first time since Zola left for Africa with Ife, Meredith and Derek both had a full day of work. Up until that point, neither had wanted to leave their other children's sides, sending them to school each day was an emotional struggle. They still didn't want to leave their side but their close friend and Chief of Surgery, Miranda Bailey, convinced them that they had to stop wallowing. She told them that it wasn't good for Ellis and Bailey to see their parents miserable and that they needed to start working again, while still putting time into getting their daughter back. Meredith's first shift at the hospital ended before Derek's, as he was called into an emergency craniotomy, so she had taken their two kids home, fed them dinner, and put them to bed. When Derek got home at ten o'clock, much later than he wanted, he found his wife sitting up in bed, crying softly. Tear stained cheeks had unfortunately become a common sight in the Shepherd-Grey household over the course of the past two months.

Dropping his briefcase as he entered the room, Derek hurried to his wife, crouching beside the edge of the bed and looking at her as he asked, "Mer, what's wrong?" He reached up and took one of her hands into his own, softly caressing it as he tried to comfort her.

Meredith sobbed, "Ellis lost her first tooth today."

A smile broke across Derek's face, "She did?" He glanced down and, sure enough, Meredith's unheld hand was cupped around a small, child's tooth.

"And I was so," Meredith choked on her words as another sob wracked her body, "So happy for her! And I was telling her about how if she put it under her pillow the tooth fairy would come," As Meredith spoke, more tears started falling. Derek stood from his crouching position beside her and climbed onto the bed so he could wipe away her tears, "And she asked if the tooth fairy could bring home Zola instead of money."

"Oh, Mer," Derek said as he pulled his wife flush to his chest, wrapping her tightly in his arms. The entire family was struggling with the absence of Zola but one of the biggest struggles was the fact that five-year-old Ellis didn't fully understand the situation.

Reaching up her empty hand, Meredith grasped onto Derek's collar and desperately clung to him, "And I felt so _guilty_ Derek. Our daughter is on the other side of the planet and I was happy. For a moment I forgot about everything and I was just happy! How could I do that? How can I be happy when we might never see or hold our daughter again?"

Despite the fact that Derek held Meredith and promised her she had no reason to feel guilty, he understood how she felt. Every single time he laughed or smiled or did anything remotely lighthearted, he felt guilty. He constantly felt like he should be doing more to get their daughter back. He constantly felt like being happy was betraying their daughter.

* * *

 _six months into the separation_

* * *

Waiting in the silent courtroom, Meredith and Derek had never been more terrified. Half a year earlier, in the very same courthouse, they had their life ripped right out from under their feet when their eldest daughter was taken from them. The separation then had been unexpected, neither really had time to be scared, but as the seconds ticked past until the jury returned with their verdict over Zola's custody, fear was the only thing either parent felt. On the other side of the courtroom, separated by an aisle and wooden railings sat their daughter's biological mother. Beside her, blocked from view by Ife, sat Zola, with tear stained cheeks and a broken heart. When she had first been brought into the courtroom and saw her parents huddled together, all she wanted to do was run to them and never let go but a stern hand on her shoulder from Ife prevented her from doing such.

The creak of the door that indicated the reentry of the jury seemed to suck the air out of the room. Against the floor the head juror's heels clicked out a beat that seemed in sync with Derek's racing heart. Everyone in the room waited with bated breath as the verdict was handed to the judge. A small nod from the judge signaled for the jury to return to the box.

Clearing her throat, the judge read aloud to the court, "The jury has ruled, in regards to the Grey-Shepherd versus Limbani custody battle, that due to an equal claim towards rights of guardianship and an equal ability to provide guardianship as well as taking into consideration the age and maturity level of the minor in question, the decision on guardianship will be made by Miss Zola Grey-Shepherd."

Zola glanced up at Ife and asked, "What does that mean?"

"It means, Zola, that you get to choose who you live with."

"Oh," Zola paused before looking toward the judge and making eye contact, "I just want to go home," She said, exhaustion evident in her tone.

"And which home would that be," The judge prompted.

It took seconds for Zola to respond and in that time, Meredith's knuckles turned white as she tightened her grip on Derek's hand. He held his breath, waiting to hear where his daughter considered home. Nobody made a sound as they waited for Zola to answer. It was as if the entire courtroom was frozen in time.

* * *

 **A/N: I know that I seem to portray Ife as a mean person, but that's because this is from Meredith and Derek's perspective. Since they're fighting for the same thing (Zola) they obviously see each other as some kind of "enemy".**


	3. After

**A/N: The third and final part of our story has arrived. As I said in the original author's note, this story originally was me trying to fill the GAPING hole left by the death of Derek Shepherd. Instead of being a fluffy family piece like I originally intended, the two first chapters were actually pretty angsty, especially for me who is a sucker for writing fluff. I hope you all enjoyed this fic so far and enjoy the conclusion.**

* * *

 _Some people got nothing, no place of their own  
_ _There's no place, like home, like home, like home  
_ _I musta got lucky, found my way back here somehow  
_ Home – **Tandy**

* * *

 _the start of after_

* * *

"I want to go home," Zola repeated, "I want to go home with my Mom and my Dad and Ellie and Bay and my stuffed giraffe," As she spoke she started crying, "And where Sofia is and Aunt Maggie and Uncle Alex and my bed and I want to go home. I want to go home to my Mom and Dad." Zola's words trail off as her crying intensifies, more than ready to be reunited with her parents. As their daughter practically begged the judge to let her return to her adoptive parents, Meredith let out a cry both of shock and joy, she was getting her daughter back. Meredith's knees became weak below her and she leaned against Derek to steady herself. He wrapped an arm around her as a massive smile broke across his face. They watched together as a bailiff walked across the courtroom to open the gate and lead Zola back to them. When the bailiff reached Zola, the little girl turned to her biological mother and gave her a short hug, whispering something in her ear that nobody else could hear. Once the bailiff was next to her, Zola let go of her biological mother and followed the bailiff toward Meredith and Derek. As soon as the gate separating the sides of the court was open, Zola took off at a sprint, straight into the open arms of parents.

The scene seemed to play in slow motion, manic grins on the faces of all three Grey-Shepherds, as Meredith dropped to a crouch to be level with her approaching daughter. Zola leapt into her mother's arms, wrapping her arms around her neck, her legs around her waist, and burying her face in the crook of her neck. With one hand Meredith supported her daughter's weight while the other cradled the eleven-year old's head close to her. As Meredith stood, her daughter clinging to her frame, Derek wrapped his arms around them both and began peppering his daughter's face with kisses. If not for Zola's size, the image of the family reuniting would be almost identical to when she officially became their daughter over ten years prior. For the first time in months the only tears shed were happy tears.

Pulling her daughter even closer to her, Meredith laughed through her still falling tears, "I am never letting go of you, never ever. You're going to spend the rest of your life right here in my arms."

Burrowing deeper in her mom's embrace Zola made a comment about needing to eventually use the bathroom and the reunited family started laughing. After being lost in their reunion for an unknown amount of time, the three made their way to their car, Zola still in Meredith's arms. As they left the courthouse, Derek called his sister-in-law, who was at their house with their other two children, to share the good news. Zola seemed to be talking a mile a minute as she told her parents about how excited she was to see her siblings, her toys, her family, her friends, and everything else in the never ending things she had missed while away for six months. Reluctantly, Meredith put Zola down so they could all get in the car. Derek's grin, though it seemed impossible, grew wider at the joyous cheer Zola let out at the sight of her prized stuffed giraffe sitting in the car, waiting for her.

Derek Shepherd had always loved ferry boats. Even though his daily commute included crossing the bay in a ferry boat, he still felt a small surge of excitement every time he drove onto one. His love for ferry boats had led to many memorable experience onboard them, but in his opinion nothing would ever compare to holding his daughter, who he had feared he would never see again, so she could watch the waves of Elliott Bay. When they were halfway across the sound, Zola pulled her gaze away from the water and looked up at her father, "Dad," She whispered as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, "As much as I missed ferry boats, I missed you and Mommy a whole lot more."

Pressing a kiss to Zola's forehead, Derek replied, "I missed you, too, Zo. So much."

Once the ferry boat docked, it was a short drive to the Grey-Shepherd house. Pulling up their long driveway, all three people in the car were surprised to find the lights in the house off. Confused, Zola climbed out of the car. She waited to walk up to the house until she had her father's and mother's hands in her own. Walking up the house, Derek unlocked the door. He stuck his head in to find a dark and silent room he called out an intrepid greeting, to no response. The three of them shuffled in, looking around wondering where everyone was. Derek opened his mouth, ready to call out for his other children, when a happy squeal filled the air. From behind one of the couches, Ellis stood up and sprinted across the room, throwing herself at her older sister in exuberant hug. Behind her was a just as happy Bailey. He caught up to his younger sister right in front of Zola and threw himself into the embrace. As the two children ran across the living room, the lights flicked on and cries of "Welcome Home" filled the previously quiet space.

From every corner of the room people stood up, smiling widely. With the lights on, a colorful banner was visible hanging over the mantelpiece the words _Welcome Home, Zola_ elegantly laid out. Around the room there were pictures of Zola. The earliest picture was from the very first day she met her parents. Derek and Meredith were dressed up for a wedding they never did attend, holding a smiling baby Zola who was fresh out of surgery. The newest picture was from just days before Meredith and Derek's custody was temporarily revoked, it was taken at Ellis' fifth birthday party. It was of all three Grey-Shepherd children, their faces smeared with icing and mischievous sparkles in their eyes.

"How did you do all this?" Derek asked Maggie, later in the night. Zola was sitting comfortably in her mother's lap in front of a large crowd of guests, telling them about her most exciting moments in Malawi.

Maggie shrugged as if the party was no big deal, "We had the order for the banner on standby but Alex and I were sure you were going to bring her home so everything else was already prepared."

Grinning, Derek earnestly thanked his sister in law and pulled her into a tight hug before making his way across the room to sit beside his wife and daughter.

The part went on for most of the night. Because of the excitement of Zola's return, both Bailey and Ellis were allowed to stay up to celebrate up until the moment they fell asleep among the party guests. When the party ended, Derek and Meredith helped Zola prepare for bed and tucked her in. As they were climbing into their own bed, Meredith looked at Derek with happy tears shining in her eyes and told him, "My cheeks hurt from so much smiling but I don't think I'll ever stop," Glancing towards the bedroom door, Meredith let out a content sigh, "I can't believe she's really home."

"I know exactly how you feel," He replied.

Just as Derek was reaching to turn off his bedside lamp, there was a soft knock at the bedroom door. He opened the door to find Zola holding her giraffe and looking up at him with a pleading expression, "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?" Zola asked her father.

Scooping his daughter up into his arms Derek immediately said, "Of course," and carried her across the room. Snuggled warmly in a tight embrace from both her parents, Zola fell asleep quickly. For the first time in six months, Zola, Meredith, and Derek, all had a good night's sleep.

* * *

 _five months after_

* * *

"And more than anything, I'm thankful to be home," Zola said as she finished her turn. The Grey-Shepherd family was sitting around a large dining room table in the dream house. Accompanying the five of them were Amelia, Maggie, Alex, and Jo. While in some ways it was not the most conventional gathering, it was their family and it was who they wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving with. Done speaking, Zola glanced over to her mother who sat at the head of the table, opposite her father. Before they had started going around and sharing what they were thankful for, Meredith had requested to be the last to share.

There was a happy twinkle in Meredith's eye as she looked around the table at her family and she made eye contact with Derek. The two of them had a silent conversation through their gazes, he looked proud and excited, the intensity of his stare caused a gentle blush to cover Meredith's cheeks. She had a small smile on her face as she shared, "I have so much to be thankful for. Besides a job I love, I have a great family, a dreamy husband, and my daughter back where she belongs," At those words Meredith looked down at Zola and gave her hand a quick squeeze, she made sure to look at Ellis and Bailey, giving each of them a warm smile as well, "I have the three greatest children a mother could ask for," Meredith paused for a second before adding, "And a fourth one on the way."

"You're pregnant?" Zola asked, a wide smile on her face.

* * *

 _one year after_

* * *

Gently rocking her newborn daughter in her arms, Meredith vowed to her husband that she was never getting pregnant again. Pressing a kiss against her forehead, Derek laughed and told her it was all up to her. He cooed down at his daughter who looked up at both her parents with wide curious eyes.

"She's perfect," Derek whispered in awe.

Nodding, Meredith placed a soft, tender kiss to her daughter's forehead, "Yeah, she is."

They sat together, parents and their newborn, for another ten minutes before Derek gave his wife a quick kiss and left to get their three older children to meet the newest addition to their family. He was gone for about five minutes and returned with three bouncing children, who he warned to be quiet because the baby was tired before letting them in the room. As soon as their father gave them permission to enter, the three kids sprinted across the room and climbed into the hospital bed with their mother. Looking down at their youngest sibling they all oohed and aahed. Laughing when Ellis, now a middle child, stated that she had been cuter when she was born.

After soaking in the view of her baby sister, Zola looked up at her father and asked, "What's her name?"

Meredith was still gently bouncing the sleeping baby in her arms, lightly patting her to soothe her from any sounds. Derek smiled at this family, all of them gathered together on the hospital bed. "Her name is Ainsley," Derek said proudly. He wasn't just proud of his newborn daughter, or his wife who had her third C-section. Derek was proud of his entire family, gathered together for the first time. His entire life Derek had dreamed of being a father and as he watched his children meet their newest sibling, Zola carefully taking the newborn into her lap with direction from Meredith, Derek knew that his life was exactly what he wanted it to be.

* * *

 _six years after_

* * *

For the past five hours Zola had been sitting between her bickering siblings. At ages fourteen and ten, Bailey and Ellis were constantly bickering. Somehow, Zola had pulled the short straw and ended up sitting in the center seat of their row. Glancing across the aisle. Zola saw her dad flipping through a medical magazine, Ainsley curled up in his lap asleep, and her mom watching one of the inflight movies. On the verge of strangling her siblings, Zola begged her mom to switch places with her. Seeing the pleading look in her daughter's eyes, Meredith agreed. As she shuffled past Derek, Meredith whispered, "You are so lucky Ainsley switched over to your lap."

"Mmhm," Derek hummed, running a hand through his sleeping daughter's hair and giving Meredith a smug look. She shot him a glare before passing Zola in the aisle and taking the now vacant seat between her still arguing children.

Instead of sitting in the now open window seat, Zola sat directly beside her father, resting her head on his shoulder. She sighed and closed her eyes, relieved to no longer be between the growing fight Ellis and Bailey were sharing. The family were just hours into a very long flight and she couldn't understand why her siblings had to argue with such a long time in a confined space ahead of them.

Looking down at Zola and trying to read her expression, Derek asked softly, "Are you ready for this?" As he watched his eldest daughter, Derek rhythmically stroked the dark curls of his youngest, keeping her calm and comfortable as she slept against him.

"Yeah, I think I am," Zola responded confidently. The _this_ Derek was referring to was the family trip to Malawi. Roughly six months ago, Zola had sat both her parents down and told them that she wanted to spend the winter break of her senior year of high school on a family vacation. When they asked where, Zola answered with confidence that she wanted to go back to Malawi, but this time she wanted to go with her entire family. After tickets were booked and hotel reservations made, Zola placed a call to Ife, who she hadn't spoken to in years, and told her she wanted to visit her while the family was in the country. After her six months in Malawi, Zola had always wanted to see Ife again, she had always wanted to stay in contact with her birth mother. Contact fell through early, because despite wanting to know her birth mother, every call or letter in the mail made Zola nervous that she would be taken away again. Ife had been thrilled when Zola reached out to her, wanting desperately to see her daughter again. She was hesitant when Zola made it clear that her family would be with her the entire time they were together, but Ife still agreed to meet them again.

"Honestly?" Zola said, her voice cracking a little under emotions she hadn't realized she had been harboring after so many years. She took her father's empty hand into her own and confessed, tears shining in her eyes and a brave smile spread across her face, "I'm just glad you guys are here this time."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss against Zola's forehead, "Me too, Zo," Derek told her, "Me too." Zola sighed as she settled against her father, her head still resting on his shoulder. Neither of them spoke for a while, just content to be together. In the background, as Zola drifted off into sleep, she heard her mother arguing with her siblings and the soft snores of her youngest sister. A small smile spread across her face as she drifted off, comforted with the fact that this time she was going to Malawi on her terms, that this time she was going with her family. Zola's last thought as she fell asleep was how lucky she was.

* * *

 **A/N: That's all folks! If you enjoyed this fic, please take some time to review, it means a lot. This fic was a great distraction to work on during finals and to give me something to write in between writer's block for my other two fics. Finals week is upon me and I leave school on Tuesday (!) so the updates for this fic are gonna be it for all of my fics until I'm home for the summer. Thank you so much for reading!**


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